I'm back and life is good.

      Wow, it's been a long time since I posted.  I thought I might have posted here awhile ago, but I think now it was just on my facebook page.  Sorry to leave this blog hanging on a potentially scary note.  The good news is now I am a cancer survivor!  They did in deed catch it early.  I had two rounds of surgery on my breast and a round of radiation treatments and I should be good now.  So far the healing up afterwards stuff is going well.  So now I can put all that behind me and concentrate better on my kids again.
        I can't tell you how proud I am of my son.  He was my rock through all this.  He was my example.  He asked me once if I was going to be okay.  I told him that the doctors said I would be, and he took me (and them) at our word.  While the rest of us were nervous wrecks, he was Mr. Cool, calm and collected.  He did what ever I asked him to do when I needed help.  His calm helped me to be calmer.  I am so very grateful that I had him during this time. 
        Not only that, guess what?  He's doing well in his vocational training!  He had a few rough patches over the first few months.  With me being sick though, who could blame him?  The stress had to come out some wheres.  His people were great about it and helped him through.  The main thing they taught him was if he was feeling stressed at work and thought he might lose it, he should just quietly exit the store.  It took a while for him to get the hang of it, but he eventually did. I'm really, really simplifying it here.  There were some really bad days here and there.  No one lost hope that he would get the hang of  it and he did.  Not only that, he actually went shopping with my daughter and I once!  He used the same strategy to cope.  When he was done looking around, he just left the store and waited outside for us.  Of, course we hurried up so he wouldn't have to wait too long, but what a thrill!  I got to go shopping with my son! 
        So now it is May and his program will end sometime next month I believe.  He turns twenty-one this year and will have to transition to adult programming.  Thankfully they have an adult program where he is now!  Yes!  I just have to get the new government people, together with the school people and the vocational training people.  The school people have papers that need to get to the government people so that the vocational people can put him in the adult program.  Anyone want to take bets how long this will take me?  I started bugging people three months ago, and turned up the heat the end of last month.  Time for a treat before I drive myself crazy!
         I don't have an actual recipe this time.  I got a wonderful recipe from Martha Stewart in my email yesterday for New York Crumb Cake.  My son loves the Crumb Cake that Hostess puts out, so I thought I'd try it this morning.  It's wonderful!  The cake part was so moist and the crumb part was yummy!  She says to sprinkle powdered sugar on it after it has cooled, but I skipped that part.  Enough sugar is enough around here.  So hopefully I'll be able to post a picture of them on here.  My email is now down and I think I need to completely start over, so I can't even post any links to it or anything.  I'm so glad I copied the recipe out last night before everything went ca-poof!  It's got to be some wheres on marthastewart.com. 

       Yes!  I remembered how!  You laugh, I almost didn't remember how to get back on this blog.  Radiation fries the brain, but only temporarily.  I'm back, my son is wonderful and the adventure continues!  Hope you all decide to come back too!  Hugs all around.    Nancy

Wow!

      Hi everyone!  I'm totally amazed at how many of you took a look last month!  Thank you for stopping by!  We had a busy summer here and it looks like our fall and winter will be no different.  Unfortunately, two weeks ago I got a breast cancer diagnosis.  I have to have surgery soon and then we will know just what my treatment will be.  Whether I will be able to keep this up during my treatment, I have no idea.  It could be a good distraction.  They've caught it early, so I'm trying to be optimistic. 
       Since my last blog, my son has started his vocational training.  I have to say that I love the folks that he is working with.  He has spent time working at a Pizza Hut, at a Chelo's, at a Walmart, at places that get local fruit and vegetables ready for restaurants, and tomorrow the library!  I'm amazed at the number of retail stores and restaurants they have who are willing to give my son and others like him a chance to try out their skills in a work place.  So far he has been doing really well.  They know of my diagnosis, and so worked with him on letting himself into the house with his own set of keys.  Not only that, yesterday he had a dentist appointment along with his sister.  They offered to give us a ride there!  I declined, but now that we know they both have to go back to get cavities filled (oh well!), that just may come in handy.  So, so far vocational training has been wonderful.  I'll keep you posted as I can.  Keep smiling everyone!  Hugs.
                                                                                                                                  Nancy

My "Karla" story

      Hi everyone.  I'm sure by now everyone has read or heard about the story about Karla Begley on buzzfeed.com.  She is the lady whose family lives in Newcastle, Ontario.  They received an awful letter from an anonymous neighbor about their autistic son.  On one of the threads that I read, a woman said that Newcastle was a tiny town.  A woman and her family living in a small community with an autistic child, getting persecuted by her neighbors, is a very sad story.  It's also my story.
      My story happened close to twenty years ago.  Long before facebook, long before Autism Speaks, long before very much help at all was available, my family got the diagnosis that our son had autism.  Within a year I became pregnant and had a very premature baby.  When the baby stabilized they suggested I bring my kids in to see her.  Not realizing the fall out that would happen, I said that no way would I be bringing my son into the neonatal intensive care unit.  That I was worried he might run into an incubator, or cause problems there.  Apparently that sent off a bunch of red flags and they became concerned about our baby's safety.  We met in a separate room together as family and introduced my son and his big sister to their little sister.  All went well, and I thought everyone was happy.
      It turns out that the hospital had called the local child protective services.  Some time later I get a knock on my door and I have to let one of their representatives into my home and be put through their humiliating scrutiny.  There was a young woman and an older man that were assigned to us.  The young woman's response after hearing all that we had to say was that maybe we should just put our son into an institution or move out into the country somewhere?  Mind you, our backyard was acres of soy beans and across from us there were even more acres of corn field.  Just how much country was she thinking???  Well, the old guy got her out of there in a  hurry and I thought again all was well.  However, he returned again.  This time he said that the powers that be didn't like where we were living and that they would be willing to help us relocate to a better place.  Fine.  We find a new place in a small city, closer to the baby who is still in the hospital, and where we even have some family members. 
      Yet again, we thought we had everyone happy.  Unfortunately, it turned out we had some real nosy neighbors.  The baby finally came home.  She was on two medications and required quite a lot of care.  My son, being motor obsessive, needed a lot of supervision.  I was recovering from my third c-section and pre-eclampsia. Without some extra help, it was a recipe for trouble. 
      One day while I was nursing the baby, my son got out of the house.  The next thing I know I have the man from child protective services at my door again.  Thankfully, they had more compassion than my neighbors.  He just said that we were doing our best in a tough situation and good luck to us.  Did this shut my neighbors down? No.  Every day when  I would go out my front door, one of my neighbors would be on her front porch with her phone.  If I took the kids to the back yard to play, her friend would be looking over her fence at us.  We were prisoners in our own home.  Finally after enduring this a couple of months, we decided to move again. 
      We decided to move back to the east coast, where we had lived some years before.  This required lots of money that we didn't have.  We began selling our belongings.  I sold my late mother's desk and curio cabinet. I sold every stick of furniture that wasn't necessary.  I even pawned my wedding rings and a pearl necklace that my dad had bought my mom in Japan.  I never got them back, but we got our family out of there.  Though I miss my "things", my family was way more important.  It turned out to be a great move for us too.  We moved to a major city with a top notch children's hospital and a children's mental hospital that was very helpful as well.  We had all the resources and help we needed right at our fingertips to help us raise our unique family.  If you read my other posts, I think you'll find we did, and are still doing okay.
      So you can imagine now my horror when I read what Karla Begley was going through in Ontario.  Another family being put though a trial,due to ignorance.  She, however, has access to the internet.  She stood up for herself and her family.  When the local news called and said they wanted to come over and do a story about her family, she got busy.  She got on facebook and rallied her friends around her and they came.  Boy, did they come!  When her husband left that morning to take their son to school, they were greeted by a crowd of cheering people outside their house!  How very wonderful!  What a difference twenty years can make!  If  I had a magazine that did people of the year, she would be my person of the year!  I'm so very proud and pleased for their family.
       That's it for today.  I just wanted to get this posted while I could.  I promise a yummy recipe next time!  Until then, hugs all around.    Nancy

A Miracle Through My Tears

      Hi everyone!  Yes, I'm finally back.  After taking a few months off to deal with some family occasions, I am back and ready to share all that has happened. 
      This summer has been one of huge changes for our family.  It all started in June with my son's graduation from high school!  What a momentous thing!  I never thought that he would get issued a diploma. I never thought he would attend graduation. I never thought that he would walk across the stage to get that diploma. Yet, he did all those things....in his own unique way.
        The planning began even before his last day of school. We had talked about graduation day each time we had an IEP meeting and what the plans could be. Two days before the end of his schooling he came home with his cap, gown and honor society rope and tassel.  He chose not to go to graduation rehearsal.  This made me nervous.  If he didn't go and practice, how was he going to be able to handle the real thing? His teacher reassured me that they had been though this many times before with other students and he would be fine. I began to be even more nervous that he wouldn't attend graduation when he started to complain about going.  He really, really didn't want to go.
       Not wanting him to be without some kind of celebration, I decided to surprise him as he came off his bus the last day of school. As luck would have it my husband got out of work early that day.  Both his sisters were also home!  I had everyone make some signs and we waited on our front porch for the bus to arrive.  Of course, it ran late!  Finally after what felt like forever, with our neighbors watching us and wondering what in the world we were up to, the bus came down the street.  We raised a ruckus and then waited patiently as the neighborhood young men were let off three houses away.  Then it was our turn!  We yelled, waved our signs and the bus driver started beeping his horn as he made his way to our home.  I felt such joy and love for my son.  It was nearly overwhelming.  Well, I think he was more than a bit surprised because it took him a while to get off the bus! When he came around the bus to our side of the street, his face was a little pink.  There was that quiet smile of his though, so I know he appreciated it.  He ran right into the house without saying a word and began his after school routine.
       Over the weekend I took some time to talk to my son about how graduation wasn't just about him.  That his teacher really wanted to see him walk across the stage and about how much it would mean to his father as well (never mind me!). We talked about how much effort we had all put into get him this far and that he should go not only for himself, but for others too. He decided to go. So, first thing Monday morning my son and I were waiting outside the building were the ceremony would be that night. He began pacing, not a good sign.  Then his teacher showed up and she had books and things to occupy him with her. "No", he said.  "When is thing going to be over?", he said. Luckily we didn't have to wait much longer and in we went.  Unfortunately, my son's patience had run out.  He was quickly shown the room, tried out a seat and we were told that seats would be reserved for us so that we could show up after most of the speeches were out of the way.  Whew! 
        As planned, we got there with about two speeches to go.  We found our reserved seats right by his teacher.  He immediately complained.  It was too loud, there were too many people.  Out the door, into the foyer I went with my son.  Pace, pace, pace.  We walked and walked, waiting for when the names would be called.  I found a water fountain and had a drink.  We walked some more.  I have to give credit to the folks who work in this building.  I heard one voice say," Is he graduating tonight?!"  I saw smiles all around as I watched over my son. 
         Finally it was time.  We walked back in and sat down.  When he got up to get into line, my hand was on my chest! It was happening!  It was really happening!  By the time he reached the top of the stairs and was crossing the stage, I was hugging my daughter with tears streaming down my face.  I felt like I was watching a miracle through my tears.  When we got his diagnosis at three years old, I thought his life was already over.  Now here he was, proving me wrong.  Proving to me that with help he could even do the things that would make him uncomfortable if he had to. I've never been so proud of my son. 
        Now I'm sure there are those who are saying "They forced their son to attend graduation! How awful!"  No we didn't.  We pushed him to his limits, worked with him and saw him through.  Next week he begins his vocational training.  His first experience will be at a Pizza Hut in the morning, helping set things up.  Do you think he will like everything they ask him to do?  Do you like everything you're asked to do at work or even at home?  No you don't.  As with all experiences with my son, graduation was a learning experience for all of us.  Learning to do things, even if you don't want to, is necessary in this world.  I will never, ever forget watching him cross that stage.  It is one of the happiest moments in my life.

Taking a break.

      Dear folks,
               I've decided that for the next two months at least I will be taking a break from my occasional postings.  I have my oldest getting married in June and I just don't have the time and energy to give this blog my best effort.  I promise to come back at some point in the summer.  I assume you want to know how my son's graduation goes and what comes after that, right?   In the meantime, I can tell you that my younger daughter absolutely rocked her third semester report card!  We are so thrilled for her!  With all her challenges she managed to pull a B minus cumulative average! 
             Alrighty folks.  I hope you enjoy what's left of spring.  Get those veggie gardens planted!  It's great stress relief and oh so good for you too!  Hugs all around!
                                                                                  Nancy

Well????

      Hi everyone!  As most of you know I started this blog to share my journey with my son as he transitions out of high school this year.  It has been quite a roller coaster so far.  First we were told that last year was going to be his last year of school.  At the very end of the school year we were told that he was to stay in school for one more year so that he would be eligible for a diploma.
      Once school was started this year, his teacher told us she would be setting up an IEP meeting to discuss his transition to vocational training.  When the notice came in October, I was thrilled.  It looked like this was going to be a rather smooth process.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  That meeting was canceled, as was the one for November, and January.  We finally had a meeting last week.  I expected some one from his new program to be there.  Turned out that only his regular group of people were there.  What we discussed was his options, yet again, for where he could go for training.  I could have sworn we had decided this last year???  Anyway, it had to be rediscussed due to budget cuts and changes. 
      In our city there appears to be three options to choose from.  There is Option A, places that don't do much training and are more like glorified baby sitters.  Option B would be the Transition Academy.  There was a plan to make a special section just for the autistic students, but that didn't happen due to budget cuts.  They tell me it will happen some day, but probably not in time for my son.  Option C would be the privately run vocational training places that work with the school department.  It looks like we will be going with Option C.  My son worked with a program for half a year, two years ago.  They got him a job at a grocery store, in the meat department, packaging chicken.  He said it was boring and not only that , it turned him off fresh chicken.  I can only hope that they have been able to increase their list of job options over the past two years! 
      The last thing we discussed was his graduation.  It seems that since the academic part of his education is coming to an end this June, he can participate in the graduation ceremonies.  Now my first thought was "oh, he can't handle that."  Then his teacher began bringing up options about how they could get him through it.  You could see that she really wanted to see him walk across that stage.  My husband got all excited too.  It appears my job is to get my son warmed up to the idea that he WILL be participating in graduation. They will find a spot for him in line and just pop him in there when the time comes and pop him back out again.  I'm not sure what to think.  I think I have my work cut out for me.  June 10th is the day!  Hopefully it will go off without a hitch. 
      As you know I like to add a recipe at the end here for a little stress relief.  This month's recipe is an old family recipe for banana bread.  My mother was from Bermuda and banana plantations used to be plentiful there when I was a young girl.  With the tourism trade becoming more and more important in Bermuda, the plantations have become less and less.  My mother got this recipe from a cookbook that her mother had.  A local church put together a cookbook to raise funds to help people shortly after World War 2.  A Miss Nettie Peniston contributed this recipe to the book. I love this recipe because it is very simple.  I find old recipes have just a few ingredients to them, but are super good.
      Miss Nettie Peniston's Banana Bread

Ingredients:
      1/2 cup of butter
      1 cup of sugar
      3 eggs
      3 bananas, crushed**
      2 cups of flour
      1 teaspoon baking soda
      1/4 cup nuts (optional)

       Combine ingredients in order given. ** Please note that Bermuda bananas are smaller that the ones we normally find in our grocery stores.  You may want to use just two good size ones.  The more banana, the wetter the batter, the longer you have to bake it. 
        Grease and flour a bread pan.  Put the dough in the pan. Fill the pan up to about 3/4 of an inch from the top. You may have extra dough depending on the size of your bananas.  Have oven set for 350 degrees.  Center pan in oven and bake until toothpick comes out clean.  For me it takes about an hour.  My dough always seems very banana-ry and thus takes a while. 
        When loaf has cooled transfer to a plate.  If any of it is too browned, just trim that part off!  It still tastes delicious! 
        Hugs to everyone!  I hope everyone has an enjoyable start to their spring.  I can't wait to get back into my garden and get my veggies growing again!
                                                                     Nancy

Is being barefoot so bad??

      Hello everyone!  I've been thinking about an interesting situation lately.  It all started with a post from Autism Daddy on facebook about his son taking his shoes off at home.  This short little post got a response from 181 people all saying the same thing!  I was one of them.  It made me curious to see if there were any more out there dealing with the same thing, or was this just a fluke?  So, I made a post over at www.myautismteam.com.  In two days I got nineteen replies saying the same thing! I don't know why this is surprising to me.  I guess I'm used to thinking that I'm the only one dealing with the challenge of autism and that is more and more not the case any more.  It's rather freeing in a way.  I tend to be a high strung, nervous kind of person.  The kind of person who worries way more than she should.  The type of person who likes to have a place for everything and everything in it's place.  I married a man who is rather similar.  Then we had children.  Child number one is a writer/artist.  Her creativity flows all over the house along with her papers, art supplies, dishes, food wrappers, shoes and lap top.  I've made a small inroad here, but there is always something I have to clean up once she is out the door or in bed for the night.  I've learned to tolerate her messes over the years.  Then we had our son.  Yet another very unique individual.  At first I was thrilled to see how neat he was.  Yeah, he isn't a slob like his sister!!  Then the truly autistic behaviors began.  Dad totally freaked out, and I was just stunned.  I suppose that's a topic for another post.  Anyway, when your child hits a certain age and you start looking towards his future, you start to take a closer look at some of his habits to see if anything can be done.  This is where my head has been at lately.  I'm trying to get my son to be a little more self-sufficient.  Someone that I don't have to worry about so much. Here's where the shoes come in.  He's always been barefoot at home.  When he was little his feet would get filthy from running outside.  He even got a wart on his foot then.  Ever since then I have been hyper vigilant about his feet.  I've offered flip flops, sandals, slippers of all sorts, never thought of the pool shoes that one mother mentioned, but they were all met with a refusal.  I had hoped that someone had a solution for me.  That I wouldn't have to worry about my son's feet being cold in the winter.  Two hundred parents said I wasn't alone.  Two hundred parents said we've been there and nothing drastic has happen yet.  I turned to my daughter's fiance, who happens to be an aspie.  His response "Is there something wrong with being barefoot?"  I stared at him for a minute.  Me in my slippers and socks and thought "Is there?"  Just yesterday I found some cookies that I had made all sorted by color.  I laughed and showed them to his sisters.  "Guess who's been in the cookies!"  We all laughed because this is one of his idiosyncrasies that we have come to accept and adore.  I guess I've found another one now.  He will wear sneakers or dress shoes when he has to go somewhere.  I pray he will never have to wear work boots for a job, because I just don't see that happening.  This has to be enough.  So what if he is barefoot at home?  Is there something wrong with it? Is there?  As long as his feet stay reasonably clean, and they usually are these days, I'm thinking he's just fine.  Sometimes it's the mom's that have to be taught!
        I have a recipe for you this month.  This one is Applesauce Spice Cake.  I got it from a Betty Crocker cookbook that I found at the library back in 2001. I don't remember it's name, but I hope they don't mind me sharing it here.  My son never, ever eats fruit.  The closest I get is apple juice or applesauce.  This is a hit with him as you can see by the photo.  It never lasts long around here.

Ingredients:
       2 1/2 cups flour
       1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
       1 teaspoon salt
       1 teaspoon cinnamon
       3/4 teaspoon nutmeg
       1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
       1/4 teaspoon baking powder
       1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
       2 cups sugar
       2 eggs
       1 16 oz can applesauce
       3/4 cup raisins

Directions:
        1.Grease and flour an 13 x 9 x 2 inch pan.
        2. Combine first seven ingredients and set aside.
        3. In mixer place soften butter, beat 30 seconds.  Add sugar.  Then add eggs, beating one minute after
             each.
        4. Add dry ingredients and applesauce alternately to beaten mixture.
        5. Stir in raisins by hand and turn into the pan.
        6. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.  It's done when toothpick comes out clean.  Cool on wire rack.

        We once were out of nutmeg and cloves.  We doubled the cinnamon and added ginger (about 1/2 teaspoon) to taste.  It still turned out yummy.

        Until next time, try to keep smiling everyone!  Hugs to you all.  Nancy